On our drive to Delhi we stop for lunch at what looks like a gas station. They have curios (tourist chachkas) at the front and our lunch is ok–but super expensive. Who ever said that Indian food was cheap was lying. Indian food is not cheap. Perhaps if you eat off the street…

Mosque Between Agra And Delhi

People Everywhere

Hard Work

The Usual Traffic

Delhi is a city we actually wish we were staying longer. There is ton to do in this capital city and my interest is peaked by the city that beat out Hamilton for the Commonwealth games. We are staying in a gated community for expats (read white people) and walk for an exciting dinner at Subway where there is no beef or pork on the menu.

Delhi is a city split into two sections. Old and new. We start the day by seeing some of the sites in New Delhi including more palaces, supreme court, and parliament. The architecture is grand, Anglo, and lovely.

Fence To Presidential Palace

Government Buildings

More People

Gate Of India

We head through the traffic (there is a ton of begging) to Old Delhi where we take a tour of Humayun Tomb–but don’t spend too much time there as we have just seen the Taj which is similar (but way better) and spent considerable time there.

Humayun Tomb

Paparazzi

Light

Amber Fort (We Skipped It)

We take a bike rickshaw (it is very small for the two of us) through Old Delhi (a car won’t fit) and can’t get over the power lines. The worst we have ever seen. I am not loving this rickshaw ride. I feel far too on display and of course it is the day that I decide to wear a skirt. I was fearful of being robbed and flashing my business to all of Old Delhi.

Rickshaw Through Old Delhi

Old Delhi

Old Delhi’s animal encounter? Rats. Yep. Rats crawling around the garbage that is strewn around the city.

We end the rickshaw at India’s biggest mosque. Marc thinks it is payback for the hospital pants that I (being a female) is forced to put on a long dress. Moo moo is a better name for it. It is huge and used 5x a day for prayer where it is packed. Shoulder to shoulder. We were all walking around bare footed.

World's Largest Mosque Outside Of Mecca

Cover-up

This Square Fills Up With 20,000 People

Market Close To Mosque

We both agree that since it is our last day in India, we should only eat Indian food. We won’t be having it for a loooong time. We have one of our best Indian meals–sitting beside a horrible American woman who we dislike on site.

After we leave (we are thrilled that the resto is packed) we see a snake charmer and a cobra. Marc says here is your chance. I have been talking about my missed snake opportunity for a week now. I decide to go for it. It is now or never. Be brave. Like Nike says–just do it.

Marc gets the camera ready. I kneel down beside the charmer. He starts playing his flute. The next thing I know he puts a snake around my neck. WTF? This was not the plan. I psyched myself up for petting a cobra–not wearing a snake around my neck like Britney at the MTV awards, before the melt down. The snake, whose body is around my neck is eye balling me. Before I had assumed my position, I was assured by our guide that the venom had been removed. Their teeth hadn’t been. Now I am convinced the snake whose body is wrapped around my neck and is eye balling me is going to bite me. I am sure that he is going to bite me right in the face and leave a huge scar. I am convinced. Just sure of it. Life is too short to have a snake bite scar on my face, all for the sake of going one to one with my German husband on animal encounters. I am still eyeball to eyeball with the snake. Move. Move your ass. That was it. Ass over tea kettle I went (you betcha I was wearing a skirt). I smashed my elbow, but thankfully I came away with no bites on my face. That snake really did want a piece of me…

Surprise...

Careful...

It Might Snap...

LOL

A Good Laugh

Recovering

No Harm, Just Dust

We went to the place 9the exact location) where Gandhi was murdered. It is now a museum and very moving with his quotes posted all over (except for my favorite–you must be the change you wish to see in the world). We also went to the Gandhi memorial where his ashes are kept and there has been a fire burning since the memorial was constructed.

Gandhi Tribute

Statue At His Last Home

Gandhi's Last Steps

Assassination Site

India Would Be Quite Different Without Him

Gandhi Memorial Site

Our guide was itching to get out of there and kept telling us that we should go back to our hotel and rest. Especially after I went ass over tea kettle because of the snake. I had to tell our guide–listen, it is our last day in India, we don’t need to rest. We want to do something. Our guide leaves us and directs our driver to take us to the lovely garden. It is full of Indian birds and people picnicking. There are a bunch of ruined temples and it is just lovely. It sort of reminds us of Westmount park in Montreal. We are happy to go for a nice walk.

Lodhi Gardens

Picnic At Lodhi Park

That evening our travel agent takes us out for dinner. Our only request is that it is Indian. It is authentic and delicious. He gives us a wedding gift. We go home, pop our last heart burn pills and call it a night.

We have a new “Would you rather” question. It may be the best so far.

Would you rather live in China or India?

We drive from Jaipur to Agra. We stop for lunch at a formidable, yet empty hotel. Today is Marc’s birthday. We visit another palace, Fatehpur Skiri, full of teenage boys, who think I am a movie star and are hooting and hollering. Our new guide asks if this is normal and I let him know that in India it is…

Fatehpur Skiri (Palace Between Jaipur And Agra)

Tuk Tuk At Fatehpur

Fatehpur Sandstone Palace

Local Monkey Handler

I ask if we can go to the Taj Mahal considering it is Marc’s birthday. We start to haul ass to get there while the sun is still up. We hire a photographer who takes all sorts of wedding style photos. Whoever says white men can’t jump clearly has not seen Marc Bernard in flight. He sails through the sky. I was happy that for the jumping pictures (we each had our own) my feet cleared the fence, but Marc looks as though he is superimposed of the Taj (we still have to scan these pictures).

Almost There…

First View

Could Not Have Been A Better Day

Gate To The Taj Mahal

Taj Mahal…

A Life-long Dream Coming True

Marc’s Birthday

Beautiful Details

On entry I had another Disney moment. As soon as the white monument to love came insight, I burst into tears. Yep. Bawling. We had a lovely time at the Taj. It has been one of my dreams to see this. Perhaps that explains the tears…I was loving the fact that the Taj is full of monkeys. Full.

Monkeys At Taj

We went back to our fancy hotel where we paid extra to have a view of the Taj. It is dark and we can’t see a thing. The Taj isn’t lit up. Marc has a cake (it says ‘Happy Birthday, Barnard’) and flowers. We have dinner in our hotel room. Marc thinks his birthday couldn’t be better.

Birthday Cake

The next day we start by visiting the Tomb of Akbar the Great. Some antelopes and more stalkers…Nice.

Entry To Akbar Tomb

Wildlife At Akbar Tomb

Akbar Tomb Close-up

Tomb Of Akbar The Great

Close-up Of The Gate To Akbar Tomb

Kids

We go to what the locals call the “Baby Taj”. It is lovely, but on a much smaller scale and with less detailed carvings and ornaments. We tour the mausoleum (which is what the Taj is) take some pictures and go.

Baby Taj (Itmad-ud-Daullah’s Tomb)

Lovely Marble Inlay At Baby Taj

Inside Baby Taj; It Used To Be Stunning

Later we see Agra Fort, which is also called Red Fort of Agra. It is impressive. I am getting really annoyed at the amount of people taking pictures of me. We go for a walk on the various levelled fort, clearly made to keep certain people out. Not only is it functional, but it is beautiful and also served as a prison for the king once his son took over the throne. It was a gilded prison with a great view–but a prison none the less.

Agra Fort Gate

Fort From Inside

Agra Fort Courtyard

Stalker

Agra Fort

Build Out Of Sandstone

Agra Fort

On our drive to the other side of the river with a view of the Taj–our driver went Sean Penn on a man. Since everyone hangs out on the chaotic roads–I was a little apprehensive of two young men leering. One of them circled back (we were stuck in traffic) and as I was turned talking to Marc, Marc put his hand up to block my photographers. The driver saw this, got out, yanked the cell phone (it was what the guy was using) off the guy, threw it on the ground, and of course it smashed into a bunch of pieces and a few flew over the embankment (which the guy ended up climbing over to retrieve). Marc’s reaction–that wasn’t necessary. My reaction–pleased. Three weeks of being an Indian pin up girl was really getting to me.

We bought a table top for outside. It is marble and has birds on it. I have to send them dimensions on our return. It is stunning.

We had dinner again in our hotel room. We are so sick of restaurants and dining out–and of Indian food.

We got up a bit late–yet still really early. We were going to see the sun rise at the Taj. All Indian security lines–from the hotels to the monuments to the airports, are split in two. Ladies and gents. No matter what, even if you don’t set off the metal detectors, you are still subject to a frisking and pat down by someone of your own sex.

Kitty At The Taj

For A Brief Moment, No One There But Marc

Taj Mahal

Taj At Sunrise

Inside Taj

The Germ

Early In The Morning

We saw the sunrise at the Taj. This time we went in the mausoleum (on Marc’s birthday we didn’t since we knew we were coming back and the line was huge). I visited my monkey friends again. I am sure that we will be back.

More Incredible India…

This Must Be A Record

Just A Reminder But Nobody Cares

No Wonder Our Clothes Have Holes

Drying Laundry

Garbage

Same, Same, Everywhere

Indian Wedding

We fly to Jaipur. We are happy that it is on time and uneventful. We get let off the extra baggage weight because it is almost Marc’s birthday.

Jaipur is known as the pink city. Actually it is all terra cotta (orange). We love it here.

Hawa Mahal, Pink Palace

Pink (Or Terra Cotta Orange)

We go to an outdoor observatory and see all the different astrological and time keeping devices. It is fascinating and impressive. It is huge. We take a ton of pictures and it is getting hot. Different from the south where it is hot all of the time, the north is cool in the mornings and at night. We are beginning to cook.

Largest Sundial In The World

It’s Accurate To Two Seconds

Locating The Sun On Northern Hemisphere

Pointing To Aries

Perhaps I’ll blame it on heatstroke. Marc clearly lost his mind. I started to take pictures of snake charmers (knowing I would have to pay them) and next thing I know he is next to the charmers, petting the cobra. Yep–he’s touching the venomous snake that keeps snapping at tourists as they pass by. Five minutes after he is done, I’m jealous that he has another wildlife encounter I don’t have.

Joining The Fun

Petting The Cobra

They Are Real :-)

We go into the active city palace of Jaipur. There are portraits of all the former kings and princes. Please note that I didn’t mention queens and the princesses. They are skipped. Including the king’s daughter whose son will grow up to take over the throne. She is skipped.

City Palace

Statue (Single Piece Of Marble)

City Palace

Summer Gate

Beautiful Gates

If the royal family is in residence, a flag and a quarter will be flown because in days of the king who created the observatory–he was such a great man–he was considered a man and a quarter–hence the flag flying tradition.

One And A Quarter Flag For The King

That same king was invited to England. He was worried about the drinking water so he had crafted two gigantic silver urns to carry his potable. The urns sailed with him to the UK and during the passage and back, and of course his sejour in England, he only drank water from the urns.

We were so sick of Indian food, that we requested from lunch McDonalds. Mmm…1/4 pounder with cheese. I almost started to cry at the counter when I realized that there wasn’t any beef on the menu. More chicken? It will have to do, but what we wouldn’t do for a burger, or a delicious steak. No hamburgers at McDonalds? WTF???

Since it wouldn’t be a guided tour without the attempt to sell us something, off we went to a carpet place. We were amazed that they burnt the back side of the carpet. Natural fibers don’t burn and of course are more expensive which leads to the theft of cashmere and silk yarn. We said no, we already bought a carpet.

Press Down Hard

Explaining How To Do It

Final Product

Making A Carpet, One Knot At A Time

On the boat ride to Elephanta, I had traced an insect bite on Marc’s thigh and watched it get bigger, redder and hotter. He told me it had been there for almost a week. Considering that almost a week had past since I began to nurse him (including forcing him to take the emergency antibiotics that my father gave me) we decided to call in for reinforcement. Next thing I knew an on call doctor made his way to our room. Marc got a needle in his behind, was given three different kinds of oral medication, cream, and another visit with the doctor.

The next morning we go for another elephant ride. We have a lovely breakfast where I made friends with a temple cat and much to the horror of the waitstaff–I begin to feed the cat bacon and butter.

Good Morning

Cat Meeting In The Morning

Feeding Time

Elephant Make-up

Happy To Have A Banana

Going For A Ride

We go to the Amber Fort and are impressed. It is huge with a very long retaining wall. We can’t stop taking pictures.

Amber Fort

Amber Fort

Lovely Details

Stain Glass Windows

Marble Carvings

Hot Couple

Carvings

Detailed View Of Mirror Room

Mirror Room

One Piece… Great View

Wall Around Amber Fort

Next thing we are at another “stone museum” and I happen to find the only ring I like. It is a big sapphire, un-faceted, un-cut and is called a cabochon. It is oval and looks like it is from Cartier. Despite the fact that it is Marc’s birthday, I get the ring as he loves it as much as I do. Sizing is included in the price. First thing we will go to the jewelry judge and get it appraised. We think we got a very good deal.

The doctor shows up. Marc gets another needle in his popo and a good prognosis. The bite is still red, swollen and huge. I am not happy and convinced he is going to lose the leg that I love.

Other Jaipur impressions…

Traffic Jam–Indian Style

Jaipur Traffic

Milk Market (They Stick A Hand Inside To Test It)

Food Market

The Guide Is Actually Sleeping

Posing With The Dancers

Grain Market

Transport

Goat Market

Thankfully we had an uneventful flight. We arrived in Udaipur and couldn’t believe the fan fare at the airport. There was a wedding. It had a tattoo of pipers and drummers and retractable signs that we use for large scale conferences. Jackie O thought Udaipur was fabulous. So did Kitty and the Germ.

View From Hotel

We started the day with a lovely boat cruise. We were supposed to get off the boat at a fabulous place on an island but alas there was another wedding which had rented out the entire space. Watch the movie “Octopussy” to see scenes. It is beautiful here. It looks like Italy. We are in love.

Royal Palace

Happy

Wedding (Set For The Movie Octopussy)

Kitty And The Germ

Looking Good

Hotel In The Lake

Palace Close-up

Laundry

All Of This Belongs To The Palace

Original Part Is On The Left (Darker)

We eat another not bad dinner (“The Host” in Toronto is better) and are still suffering from heart burn. We find that there is one good dish, one not so bad–but it is very expensive. Almost as much as Toronto. Whoever said Indian food was cheap, is lying. It isn’t.

Sun Setting Into The Lake

Udaipur Palace

Magnificent

The next morning we went to biggest palace in all of India. They were taking down a wedding. We went for a tour.

Marble Inlay

Carved Marble Windows

Incredible Miniature Paintings

Inside The Palace

Every Room Is Different

Ganesh Gallery

Grand

Later, we drove hours to a Jain temple. I’ll have to say that we are nervous before the long drives. No need to be this time. First, there were black face monkeys all over our car. I am very sad that I have eaten all the bananas and don’t have a thing to feed them. Argh.

On The Road Again

Monkeys...

...On The Car

Feed Me

Camel Convoy

We get to the Jain temple and are amazed at how beautiful it is. It is all white (marble). We get a bindi put on us by the temple priest. A security guard offers to take our picture, but wants a big tip (we have no money left) so we have to decline his request for payment.

Jain Temple

Entry To Temple

Stunning

Courtyard

Beautiful

Carved Out Of Marble

Appears In Different Colors

Wow

Sometimes Yellow, Sometimes White

Siva Carving

Worth The Long Drive

Made Out Of One Piece Of Marble

Can You See Me?

Same, Same, But Different

We take the car back on what looks like the smoothest road ever, but it is bumpy! I am rarely car sick, but this road brings it on. The only thing that saves me is a group of monkeys. They don’t look like any of the monkeys we have seen–but I love them.

We have dinner outside the hotel. We have to say that we have had heart burn almost the entire time and no one makes a better mulligatawny soup than auntie Elke. Yes, the German lady who emigrated to the US and now lives in Chicago is kicking all of India’s sorry ass in a soup-off. We miss Elke!

Selling Flowers

Flora

Sunset Over Udaipur

We love it here. We can’t stop thinking about David and Michelle. This is their kind of town. Our hotel–the JW Marriott–is beyond fabulous. We spend the first day hanging out by the pool, using the Internet, and walking on the beach (where I wasn’t allowed to go out in my bikini). I also started to implement the strategy of trying to take pictures of those who photograph me.

Fabulous Pool At Mumbai Beach

Mumbai Beach

Kitty And The Germ

They Can’t Stop Taking Pics Of Kitty

Stalkers

We spent the day the chilling out, visiting the spa, and getting excited over the hot recommended club that the young guy who checked us in suggested. He told us, it is where the Bollywood stars and cricketers hang out and it is called Aurus. We decided to have dinner there to avoid line ups and ensure we got a table. The place was very cool. There were quite a few expats and tourists (please read fellow white people). We had a good, but very salty dinner. We were given a comment cards which we wrote how salty the food was (both our starters and our entrees) and of course the chef came over to discuss. The place reminds me of “Lobby”. Who ever said that Indian food was cheap was probably eating off the street from vendors. Since we don’t want to get sick, we are eating in restos only, but the food has not been half as cheap as other southern Asian countries. We have a really fun night. We called it and went back to the hotel where the security is even tighter in Mumbai (formerly known as Bombay) than in the south.

Sunset

Beauty At Aurus

The next morning was early. We had a ton of things to see in Mumbai. The guide picked us up at 8 am. Mumbai is a city of extremes. You have a gorgeous high-rise with a shanty around the corner. The streets are a little more organized because in the downtown area there are no tuk tuks. They aren’t allowed in the city core.

Gateway To India

Taj Hotel And Gateway

Taj Hotel (Was Attacked 11/26)

We started off the day with a boat trip to Elephanta Island, another UNESCO heritage site. We boarded a boat at the Gateway to India (I can’t stop taking pictures) and the Taj hotel (the site of the terrorist attacks on November 26, 2008) and were on the boat for an hour. Once we arrived, we climbed the 400 stairs to arrive at the granite temple. When the Portuguese discovered the temple (and said Elephanta because there were 2 stone elephants at the entrance) they began to use Elephanta as housing for the army which in turn, the soldiers considered the sculptures as part of their shooting range. Many of the statues are still intact despite missing some limbs and were very impressive to say the least.

Monkey Eating Corn On Elephanta Island

Shot Statues At Elephanta

Carved (!) Out Of The Granite Mountain

All Faces Of Siva

What’s Up?

Locals Posing For A Donation

We took the boat back and had our best food in India at a resto called Khyber. Excellent.

Then we walked to the Royal Albert Museum (now with a new Indian 35 letter name which I didn’t even take the time to try and learn). We spent most of our time in the natural history section, the miniature paintings, and examined the collection of snuff boxes (which we bought in China). The museum was a really beautiful space.

Prince Albert Museum

Museum Lobby

Snuff Bottle Collection

Kids Waiting To Get Into Museum

We then went to a Jain temple where a wedding was taking place. Jains don’t believe in harming anything–not a fly or an ant. They are strict vegetarians who don’t eat root vegetables because to harvest these vegetables (which include potatoes, carrots, turnips, tapioca… ) it disrupts the insect life. Our guide explained that since there are so few Jains left, they often marry their first cousins and have a host of birth defects. Jains are considered the wealthiest of Indians. They are limited in profession choices due to their strict practices and therefore primarily trade precious stones and are the money lenders.

Jain Wedding (From Above)

Jain Temple Hosting A Wedding

Ceiling In Jain Temple

We drove by Parsi burial grounds, which are strictly guarded. Parsis (one of their most famous followers was Freddie Mercury) don’t believe in any sort of burial for their dead. When a Parsi follower dies, their body is taken to this superficially designated area, and left–uncovered, un-buried, just left. They know that when they die they will be eventually eaten by vultures. I think this would be illegal in Canada…

We went to the children’s park which was full of sculptures. My favorite was a big boot from the nursery rhyme “The old lady who lived in a shoe’. Across the road was another park full of animal topiaries. Our guide informed us that there is a 200 Rupee fine for anything other than holding hands. Every time Marc kisses or hugs me in public, we can’t help but say–200.

Old Lady Who Lived In A Shoe

Topiaries

We made a quick stop at the stunning Victoria Train Station. It was the one featured at the end of “Slum Dog Millionaire”. It was huge and fantastic. An absolutely stunning building. A British architect designed it, but local craftsmen built it. We asked–there never has been a strike.

Victoria Station

The trains are packed. Almost a million people commute by train every day. The trains are so packed that there is no room for the lunch boxes and there are ladies only cars. These cars help avoid a woman secretly getting groped in such a cramped place.

Dabbawalla is the lunch box system that is studied at schools of management and is the focus of a documentary. In a nutshell, here is what happens. Workers take a fully packed train into the city (there is no room for their food). Later that morning after their wives or female family members (mother, mother-in-law, sisters, aunt, etc). prepare food which is going to be lunch, the boxes are picked up from their homes and delivered to their respective offices promptly at 1 pm for lunch. There is no tagging system. There is no paper work. It wouldn’t seem like such a big deal unless you know that there are 200 thousand lunch boxes taking part of this system–daily.

While driving we asked if we could pull over to see the convocation hall of the University of Mumbai. It was stunning. Just gorgeous. Again, British architect, local craftsmen.

We made a stop at the Gandhi museum located in an old house. The home was owned by one of his good friends and Gandhi regularly resided there when he was in Mumbai (then it was Bombay). The museum hosted a massive library (with books either on Gandhi or books that he had actually read) and a collection of his letters including one to Hitler. There was also the room that was his glassed off. They had preserved Gandhi’s loom (he wove all his own clothes), a pair of sandals, and the actual bed he slept on. One of the best things about the museum was that a room was dedicated to the life story of Gandhi. Dolls (sort of Barbie-ish) told the story of Gandhi’s life from childhood, his education in the UK, getting thrown off a train in South Africa (with a valid 1st class ticket), his arrests, his hunger strikes, his accomplishments, and finally his murder. This put everything in perspective for me and we have added the film “Gandhi” to the list of movies we will watch on our return.

Gandhi’s Home

Library In Gandhi’s Home

His Spinning Wheel And Sandals

No Ticket?

I really wanted to see the communal laundry, again like the Dabbawalla we couldn’t get over the organization. Since Mumbai is regularly on water rations and very few homes have washing machines, the communal laundry service is used. Laundry is picked up. It is sorted by colors–whites, darks, colors, saris and then it is washed, hung to dry, ironed, folded and returned to the owner in 2 days–with no mistakes. Really? It seems like such a huge undertaking by a country who can’t begin to control traffic or their animal population but actually seems to be a system that is working.

Laundry Is Done By Men Only

Nothing Get’s Lost Or Mixed Up Here!?!

Everything Sorted By Color

We drive along the queens necklace for the second time today. It really is a stunning drive along the water, all lit up. We sadly say good-bye to our tour guide who was the best we had so far without question, and make our way back to the hotel to get ready for our flight the following day.

The next morning we have breakfast, then spend our last few hours by the sexy pool. Golden triangle next!

Mumbai University…

Mumbai University

Convocation Hall

More…

Shopping At The Same Place As Clinton

Goat’s Life

The Germ

The next day we drove to Kochi, famous for its Chinese fishing nets, the first Christian church in India, and spicy food.

Bernard Master Road :-)

First Christian Church In India

Old Town Kochi

Shark (Still Alive ;-) )

Entry To Synagogue

Portuguese-Style Church

At the water front, local fishermen waved us to join them on the platform of their Chinese fishing net (of course for a minimal donation). This thing wasn’t much more than some driftwood laid on top of rotten one-by-ones. One false step and one was either in the water or seriously injured. A minute after us, a group of French tourists walked up to join us there as if this was made out of steel. Marc immediately turned around and we got off–the French stayed and might have become fish food…

Chinese Fishing Nets (Used At High Tide)

Platform Could Go Into The Water Any Minute

We had some great food, saw the sights, and went to a martial arts show. It’s the origin of most other forms of martial arts. Three masters demonstrated to us how to use various weapons and the ultimate level of hand combat. Marc and I were of course the only ones ready to go into the pit and test our skills going at each other with a sword.

Sword Fight

Flying Swords

Power Match

Don’t Get Between Us

We went to Jewtown and saw India’s oldest synagogue. There are only four Jewish families left in Kochi and a total of twelve people.

The shows we saw were both good. After the theatre show, where we went to see them putting on their make up pre-performance, we went to the new part of Kochi to have a seafood dinner recommended in “1000 Things To See Before You Die”.

Putting On Make-up

Theatre Show

Stunning Costumes

Killing The Devil In Disguise

Wonder, Amazement

Disgust

Ready For Sea Food?

Pretty Woman

We are ready to say good bye to the South of India.

Sewing Up Another Package

Our Package–Waiting For End Of Lunch Break

School Bus

Food Can Be Spicy Here

Here’s a summary of our Southern India observations:

Garbage is literally everywhere
Wild dogs run in packs and are everywhere
Women only wear saris
Men wear dhotis (looks like a big diaper–it is a white sheet wrapped)
Food is good, but spicy (you would hate the food if you don’t like Indian or spicy)
Weather is hot, hot, hot, and humid
Traffic is nothing less than chaotic
Before you pass anyone, you indicate you are going ‘overtake’ to the right or left, honk a few times
The people who obey traffic rules are called tourists
The most people we saw on one motorcycle was 5–average at least 3, 4 very common
Women ride motorcycles side saddle on the back
Shoes are not worn by everyone
Cows are in the street–they are avoided by all the cars
Goats are left to their own devices–no shepherds, and are in the streets
Construction sites are abandoned
Monkeys are everywhere and really fun to see
Everyone wants and expects a tip. Look at them and they will have their hand out
The streets are constantly full of people–no matter what time
Everyone wants to photograph me–you would think i was purple
Most walls along the side of the streets are painted by hand with an advertisement
There are lots of people–from the very young to the very old begging for money–usually they come up to your car window
Unemployment is very high. People are constantly hanging around
There are lots of tuk tuks with so many people you couldn’t count (compare to clowns in a car)
Often no side walks and most store fronts look like they are in garages
A woman isn’t considered dressed unless she is wearing fresh jasmine in her hair
The traffic is made up of animals, pedestrians, tuk tuks, rickshaws, packed like sardines buses
Food is not as cheap as you would think. Significantly more expensive than everywhere else we have been
Security is very tight at the hotels and includes a gate which a security guard cross references your name off the guest list and the inspects the hood, the trunk, then shoots a mirror attached to a dolly under the car–every time you go in
Pepsi dominates here. Diet coke tastes almost like Canada.

Next stop–Marari beach. We were initially only supposed to spend one night there, but after Marc read the reviews and saw some pictures online, we stayed two. This is my kind of resort. There were no children, a serene and tranquil atmosphere (no Russians), a lovely pool, and direct access to a private white sandy beach. After checking into our villa, we had a nice Indian lunch, hung out by the pool, and then went for a walk on the beach.

Our Villa At The Pond

Outdoor Shower

Beautiful Beach

Hammock Life

Kitty And The Germ

Great Pool

Growing up, my grandmother was always an avid shell collector. She spent six months of the year on the beach in south Florida collecting shells. Of course she knew all the names. So on the Marari beach, Marc pointed out a lovely shell. I said–I wonder if we will be so lucky to find another one–I’ll bring it home to my grandmother. No sooner had those words come out of my mouth did we start seeing the shells roll in with the tide. It was literally manna from heaven. Marc’s pockets were quickly filling up with all sorts of shells. Shells that if you found one, it would have made your shell collecting week–even month. We founds 50 (and kept going). I kept thinking of my grandmother, running up and down the beach, passing hand fulls of shells to Marc to empty into the pockets of his trunks. It was officially the best part of India so far.

Sunset On First Evening

New Found Friends

Local Guys Playing Soccer

Shell Collection #1

Shell Collection #2

The next day we had booked with our trip a tour of Alleppey by the “preserve Alleppey Society”. I was in a panic because I didn’t want to leave our fabulous resort. We were booked to go for lunch at their home. We couldn’t back out. Our driver came to pick us up and we told him that we wanted to get back as soon as possible. We started off at the most incredible home. The lady of the house wasn’t in so we were entertained by her husband. The house was huge. A lady from the society joined us and showed us a slide show of typical architecture of the area. She explained that the canals were sadly in a state of disrepair. This society adopted a small street and became responsible for their garbage collection. As I have already described, garbage is everywhere in India. Huge piles are dumped every where. The street they adopted looked really nice–actually just normal in our eyes.

Ladies Of The Alleppey Society

We went to a different member’s house and met the rest of the society. The ladies–seven of them–had all gathered and made a sort of pot luck lunch which was one of the best meals we had in India. We had a much better time than expected which is great and would recommend visiting the society to anyone visiting the province of Kerela.

Back at the resort we did more shelling and watched a fantastic sunset.

Another Stunning Sunset

Indian Ocean

Watching The Sun Go Down

Bird In Flight

Good-bye Marari Beach

The next morning we leave early for our house boat.

Tea Plantations

Waterfall

We love it. The sun is shining and it is glorious. The boat is ours alone–just us with three staff. Lunch is excellent. When we stop, the chef asks us if we want prawns for dinner. You betcha. He takes us to a local shop and we buy them for him to cook for us.

Welcome Jasmine

Typical House Boat

Kitty And The Germ

Enjoying The Cruise

Alleppey Lake

Once we are back on the boat, we continue on our way and then the rain comes. It starts raining so hard that we have to stop, anchor, pull the tarps down and hang out.

Rain

More Rain

Tarps Down

Marc and I had stocked up on drinks (much to the shock of everyone that I should partake. Women do not drink in India). We started drinking and playing cards. I never remember card games, but between the two of us we entertained our selves with every game and trick we could think of or make up until our dinner comes. The food was delicious.

Vodka...

A little trashed, we called it a night. This night ended up being our worst night in India because the air conditioning in our room broke and it was so hot–stupid hot. Since Marc is a delicate sleeper, he couldn’t have the very noisy fan going. I was melting. Our fantastic boat ride was tainted by the horrible sleeping conditions.

On the way to Alleppey we went to buy a Dhoti for Marc…

Marc Putting On a Dhoti

Wearing It Long

Wrapping It Up

Short Version (The Right One)

The following day we drive to Thekaddy.

Goats On The Road

Our driver suggests that since I love elephants so much, why don’t we go to the elephant farm. Done. We arrived and weren’t overly impressed with the conditions of the elephants. All of them were on a short chain. We start with a ride. We are straddling the elephant like a horse. We go for a ride.

Elephant Ride

High Up On The Elephant

Going On A Ride

Hungry For Tapioca

Feeding Time

When we return to the camp, there is an elephant logging demonstration. We know that elephant logging is banned in Thailand and radically shortens the life expectancy of an elephant. We kept saying–no, no, that’s good and finally insisted they cut the logging show short. Who wants to climb up the elephant? My hand springs up–shocking Marc with my speed and fearlessness of this great beast. Off I go. I climbed right up her unassisted. Marc had a turn after me.

Expert On An Elephant

Getting Up

Easy To Get Up… If You Know How

Kiss

Hug

Next we went to give the elephant a bath. Marc laughed as we were in the big tub with our elephant because he has never seen me scrub anything so he thought it was fitting that the first thing he ever saw me scrub was an elephant. After we scrubbed her down (with the husk of a coconut) we climbed on her back to let her have a turn. She gave us each a shower. We were soaked to the skin. It was hilarious. Then we read her a story, tucked her in and put her to bed.

Scrubbing

She Liked It

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Shower Time!

Marc Got It Too

The next morning we got up super early to go on a nature walk. On arrival we were given canvas leg warmer type things. Why are we wearing these I asked. To keep the leeches out. Obviously.

Away we went. Nature walk here we come. It’s muddy. It’s steep. We haven’t seen anything worth writing home about. Yesterday I gave an elephant a bath. Two weeks before, I bottle-fed a tiger. Impress us.

Leech Prevention

Nature Walk

Tobacco Powder Kills The Leeches

Three hours pass. Hills, mud, rocks–not a whole lot. There were monkeys but so high up in the trees–I prefer it when they are at your car and you get a close up look at them. We saw two toucans and Marc took the winning picture with our mini digital which I think annoyed the Dutch man who was schlepping around this monster paparazzi camera. We saw the biggest spider I have ever seen and what I enjoyed the most were the tiger scratches in the tree.

Toucan Couple

Looks Like Halloween

More Spiders In The Jungle

Tiger Marks

Then we went to a spice plantation. Pepper trees (did you know that pepper grows above ground and looks like tiny grapes?) were mixed with the coffee plants. The spice plantation was fun and as the leaves were broken off we got to smell and identify the various smells.

Pepper Plant

Pepper Corns

Since it was raining and our boat cruise was canceled (there had been a bunch of deaths as a boat was overloaded and capsized) we decided to go for an Ayurveda massage. This is a south Indian specialty. Our driver recommended this place and so did Lonely Planet. Why not?

They asked us before if we wanted our head massaged. Of course. First, we were separated. I had a female masseuse. Marc had a male. We were both told to take off all our clothes. Everything? Everything. No one left the room, so we just stripped down. Next thing I know is she beings to pour oil–all over me. There is no towel to cover up what is not being massaged. Naked as the day we were born, the massage started. My girl didn’t talk at all. Marc’s guy didn’t stop talking. Neither of the masseurs were wearing uniforms–just street clothes. It was getting a bit much with all the oil. Did I mention that they literally pored it on us out of a receptacle that looked straight out of Aladdin? I didn’t mind the motion that the rhythmic massage used. I was however surprised that she did my chest–you betcha, she fully massaged my boobs. Then the head massage. It crossed my mind, but I was sure they weren’t going to dump oil into my hair. Of course they wouldn’t. Wait. No. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I hate the entire massage now. Once she put the oil in my hair, I figured that I may as well let her continue. It is in now. She is pulling my hair. Literally yanking it. I am miserable. Oil? In my hair? I keep wondering what the story is with Marc. Once my hair is fully lubed up, I climb into a pod. It looks like a giant Easter egg with only my head popping out. The steam starts locking in all that oil we were swimming in. After a period in the egg when the only thing I can think about is the oil that is in my hair. Where is the shower? Oh–you don’t have one. I towel off and meet Marc outside. He is just as oily and has already told our guide that if my hair is covered in oil, I won’t be happy.

Back at our hotel, we have showers (washing our hair twice) and go for a nice dinner at a different hotel. Our hotel is full of children and families. We can’t high tail it out of there fast enough. We’re on our honeymoon. It is a serious buzz kill to be around screaming babies and 8-year-olds running around.

Alternative To A Tuk Tuk

The next morning we fly to Madurai. We have a fantastic hotel set high up on a hill, overlooking the city. We get there late because our flight was delayed. I am already happy because there are resident peacocks. I am not happy that my umbrella got stolen out of my suitcase from the only unlocked pocket. Air India. Avoid this airline if possible.

Gorgeous Taj Hotel

Honeymoon Suite

Got The Pool All For Myself

Lovely View From Hotel

The Germ

Peacock At The Hotel

That evening we go and see the ceremony of putting Parvati to bed. It is in a lovely huge temple. Very colorful. People won’t stop taking pictures of me. The next thing I know, they hand me a baby. They want my picture holding a baby. The irony…

Please Hold My Baby

Hindu Temple

Ceiling Paintings At Temple

Dancing Siva

Lord Ganesh

The ceremony involves taking a statue of Parvati, ceremoniously carrying her to her husband Shiva, changing her clothes, putting her in his room that has a curtain and singing to her. They do this every night (for hundreds of years now). Dress up dolly. We don’t get it.

Taking Parvati To Bed

Scary Looking Priest

The temples have beautiful adornment on the outside because during the time of strict casts, none of the lower casts were allowed inside the temple so the people would pray to statues from the outside.

Temple Close-up

The attention I am getting is starting to get to me. Our guide tells us that everyone has been asking if we are movie stars. They are sure I am famous. Only in India…

Monkeys On The Road

The next morning we see the old court and drive for hours to see the royal family’s summer residence. Nice enough, but absolutely not worth the hours we spent in the car. I am loving the animals on the streets–except for the dogs. The dog population has no control here. A leash? Forget it. Spay or neuter? Non-existent. We figured that feeding the packs of dogs was the excuse used by the entire country for dumping their garbage anywhere and everywhere. It really is filthy here. A wasteland? A dumping ground? All of the above.

Lock At Palace

Maharaja Owners Of the Palace

Palace

Local Transport

Lunch was at a woman’s house. She converted her large home into a tourist attraction where you hang out with the locals. We had lunch off a banana leaf which was fun, delicious and a novelty. Since we were Westerners, we were given cutlery. Everyone else was eating with their hands. The food was excellent–we have yet to get rid of our heart burn.

Tuk Tuk Leads The Way

Indian Lunch On a Banana Leaf

Great Lunch

That evening we go back to the same temple. The night before we were there and stopped by a store. We saw a carpet that we loved and had the night to sleep on it. Our guide was taking me back to see the temple elephant. I am in love with elephants. The night before I only has a brief amount of time with her. Tonight I am prepared with a wad of cash to keep her around. I don’t care if no one else gets a turn. The elephant is painted which I am enjoying. The elephant lets me blow in her trunk and I can’t stop kissing her. Marc is happy enough to photograph me and not get in on the elephant action. After, we bought the carpet.

Feeding Money To Elephant

The Elephant Loves Her

Blowing Into Her Trunk

Kiss

More impressions…

Granite Stone Quarry

Local Transport

Holy Cows On The Street

Vegetable Market

Italian Muslim Architecture

Dhoti Skirt

Just Drive Around Her

Every Day Life