And now, on to the Tiger Temple.

Years a ago, a baby tiger was found and brought to the monks–his mother had been shot by poachers. The monks, being monks, took the tiger cub in and raised him, and then other cubs who were orphaned were also brought to the temple. And a few other animals–often the ones that were in such rough shape, the slaughter houses refused them. It is a veritable Noah’s arc.

The monk who found the first tiger considers this tiger his son. He asked the tiger-will you behave and let the tourists come so I can build you a reserve? The tiger answered yes. That is how this story starts.

We arrive at the Tiger Temple in the early afternoon. It is closed to tourists in the morning. We are one of the first to arrive. We are EXCITED! We get into the temple and start off by petting some of the tigers who are laying down. The only thing we have been told is that you can’t pet them too lightly. If you pet them lightly, they will think you are a fly and will snap at you. Press down firmly when you pet them. DONE.

These tigers are exquisite. How anyone could shoot them with anything but a camera is beyond me. We were informed that the value of a tiger is more astronomical now than it has ever been, despite their protected status. The Chinese think that tigers are the ultimate enhancers of male virility. According to the temple, the Chinese demand for tigers are driving the costs way up and keeping the poachers in business. Are male virility aids not available in China? Have they not heard of Viagra? Cialis? I think anyone who purchase any part of poached tiger should be shot. Or be neutered. You will understand and most likely agree with me as soon as you see these pictures.

After we had our initial petting sessions, we did a tiger walk. Here is what happens:

Monks walk with the cats who are on leashes and you walk behind them with your hand on the tiger’s hind quarters. They take pictures of you with your own camera. We walk down into a canyon with the tigers. We heard a little talk by one of the staff members (a former volunteer from the US who couldn’t leave the tigers) and it was all I could do not to throw my hands up and ask where I signed up. I had visions of a fulfilling and satisfying career handling these majestic beats. Kitty–the big cat handler. But I digress. I haven’t got to the best part. The nursery!

We paid extra to go to a feeding session in the nursery. We are greeted by a Canadian volunteer originally from Brampton. He takes us to the nursery where we meet THE most stunning Swedish girl. Tall, blonde, skinny, gorgeous. She looks like a super model. I am jealous of her–but not because of her Heidi Klum good looks–mostly because of her job. She too was a volunteer and said that it doesn’t take much time at all to become really attached to the tigers. No kidding. I am only my 2nd hour at temple and am ready to say good bye to my career, my family, my life–just to be around these cats.

Into the nursery we go. There are 4 tigers. The room is really a nursery and is full of toys. Some of the toys look like regular cat toys–just on a larger scale. I officially don’t want to leave. Ever. We begin playing with the tigers. A broom stick with crinkly plastic bags on one end is a favourite. There are tires that they climb on. They have a blanket that they will lie on and let you pull them around. They are frisky and frolicking. I see one of the tigers jump up on Marc and take a bite out of his calf. I can’t believe it. In one day Marc has been bitten not only a leopard, but a tiger. He’s ok. I laugh and say that he was already bit by a leopard today. One of the other people in the nursery with us asked if it was the leopard over by the River Kwai. He told us that same leopard got his mother early that week…

After 30 minutes of playing with the baby tigers, we spend another 15 minutes feeding them. Through a baby bottle. I don’t think I have ever been happier in my life. I can’t stop kissing the tigers. They are so lovely, so delicious. I want one. I can’t live without one. Marc had to drag me out of there kicking and screaming. I was actually screaming silently because after their play session and a big bottle of formula, they are all knackered and sleeping. I LOVE them.

There is another optional add-on at the temple. Sign me up. I don’t care what it is or how much it costs. You can pay a minimal fee (I would have paid 10x more and it was a fraction of what holding the baby panda which just got bumped from #1, to #2 place in greatest life experiences) you could have a tiger put his head in your lap. I’ll do it! Marc is so delicious to every cat–including yours truly, he decides to opt out of this. He has been bitten 3 times in one day. I am actually a bit envious. I want to be bit by a leopard or a tiger. I can’t sign up for the next option quick enough. Here kitty, kitty, kitty.

Back down into the canyon we go. I take a seat right next to a 400 kilo sleeping tiger. Next thing I know they have lifted him up and put his massive head into my lap. Marc was allowed to stand behind me for some photos. We make an incredible family. The proud parents have never looked happier or more fulfilled. We don’t want babies. We want tigers! They eat boiled chicken. They drink water out of water bottles converted into squirt bottles. They are gorgeous. They are stunning. They are wonderful. They are loved.

After we are taken to visit with the rest of the tigers who are true cats and sleeping the day away. Peaceful in the sun. I want to spoon one. I find out it is frowned upon. We move from tiger to tiger, giving them a pat, introducing ourselves, taking pictures. Aware that every second we are next to these wondrous beasts that this is the 2nd greatest day of our lives (2nd only to our wedding day).

We can’t get enough. There are 47 tigers living in the temple. They are everywhere. We were just about to leave and a monk calls me over. He is there with his tiger. I begin petting him and the monk tells me to give him a kiss. Avec plaisir! Then the monk takes the tiger’s leash off and says–why don’t you take him home? Pack your bags baby. We are making tracks to Yorkville! More kisses for my 400 kilo tiger baby. Then I have to face the torment of leaving my beloved tigers behind and saying good bye. The monk wasn’t serious that I could take him.

I will go back. I will see them again.

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